Boobs, who needs em'

I know the rain was bad today, but to most, that is nothing that a little hot pink hunter rain boots can't fix. No today,  I had thunderclouds on my heart.  Yesterday, was when it all started.

I left to do my normal radio show with Foz and Jocelyn, all was good in the hood, easy show, no blips.  Next was my routine check-up and breast exam, although with a new surgeon, she came highly recommended, my ease was good.  I got there, I had a balance from 05'for $48.67.  Boy, do they hold a grudge, I honestly don't remember ever visiting that office, but oh well, I paid it.  Next came the long awaited wait in the room, half naked.  Thirty minutes later Betsy came in.  That's the doctor.  I like to call them by the first name, it's makes me think of them like they know me.  It's a comfort thing.  She does my breast exam.  It felt like it took an hour.  At the very end of it, she said I feel something here.  She asked me to feel it, which always freaks me out, I feel like it's gonna bite me or something, plus I'm a hypercondrac, to boot.  She said she wanted to an ultrasound, pitter-patter-pitter-patter.  I got on the table, the tech looked nervous.  She did the test and went to find the doc.  The doc came in and said she wanted to do a biopsy, he, he, hoo, he, he, hoo.  Game time.  I put my arm over my head, they numbed my breast with a big fat needle, then took three "plugs" out.  It didn't hurt but there is something about someone digging inside your boob, when you can't feel it.  Violated, scared, different, that' how it feels.   I kissed my babies longer that night, and held them just a little tighter.    I went through the night with a 1/2 bottle of wine and some company from my neighbor.  I woke up the next morning and thought to myself, my life could change today.  I don't think it will, but it could.  For a second my bed was more cozy, bacon smelled better, the rain was prettier, my little girls were sweeter, my little boy was cuter.  One foot went in front of another.  I made it to work, mascara was no option.  I cried all morning, not scared tears, just understanding and compassion for women that go through this everyday.   

I got my results, the lump was benign.  Betsy called me on her day off to let me know, thank god for great physicians.  I had another year, mammogram free.  I am 31, that is only 12 years younger than when my mother was diagnosed.  It's scary, I don't let it define me, I don't let it control me, but I do let it remind me, that life is short.  

Cancer is one way to go, but none of us truly knows what tomorrow may bring.  

So today, my hunter rain boots indeed made my rainy day better, 

it's the simple things we should enjoy while life is simple.

My mom